The One That Actually Shaped You
Day 83 - 89 / 1000
A country, a city, a language, a version of yourself you once tried to become.
Most of what shaped you got in quietly, long before you ever agreed to it.
This week is about noticing which of those influences are actually yours, and which ones you can hand back.
Here is what has been on my mind this week:
What Shaped You
Before You Performed
To Fit In
Five Years Ago
When the Body Stops You
Not Your Thoughts
Old Lessons
1. What Shaped You
Which country, city, language, or culture shaped you most?
I don’t think I have one clear answer to this myself.
There are a few different levels to it.
In my personal experience, the country that shaped me the most is my home country, Slovakia.
Even though I have spent most of my adult life abroad, it shaped me the most through my connection to the people and the culture.
The city that shaped me the most is Copenhagen.
During my time living there, I learned more about myself and about life than I ever expected.
It is still the most impactful experience I have had of living somewhere.
As a language, English shaped me the most.
I used to hate English in school.
I was always more focused on German, and I was good at it, so English never caught my interest.
Until one experience changed everything.
It happened at work in Switzerland.
A few colleagues and I were having a conversation in German.
Then another colleague joined, who spoke only English.
Everyone switched to English, and when I tried to join in, it came out as a half-baked sentence.
My colleagues just giggled at me.
That was my turning point.
I never wanted to feel that embarrassment again, the feeling that I could not speak to others and have a real conversation.
In one year, I caught up with most of my classmates.
I basically made up for all the years in school I had spent hating and ignoring English.
And here we are.
I am writing daily essays in a foreign language so I can reach more than just a handful of people from my small country.
Last but not least, the culture.
I already said the culture that shaped me most was my own country's.
But as I traveled and lived in different places, I fell in love with many other cultures, too.
I was able to make friends with people from all around the world.
It always fascinated me to watch how other cultures live and what they value.
How they celebrate, how they grieve, how they see life and its meaning.
I will forever be an explorer of this world, because few things bring me as much joy as meeting other people, discovering their cultures, and learning how differently life can be lived.
From the problems to the joys of daily living, all the way to the pursuit of happiness and the understanding of death.
So what about you?
Which of these shaped you the most?
Not the one you say shaped you.
The one that actually did.
2. Before You Performed
Do you remember a time when you lived your life without needing to perform?
It feels like over the last couple of years the whole world picked up speed.
It is almost as if we have less time now, even though time itself hasn’t changed.
Social media gave us the feeling that everyone around us is either achieving something great or traveling the world, sharing beautiful sunsets.
I think this is one of the reasons many of us started to feel, without even noticing, a need to perform more in our lives.
Hearing it like this, you might ask what is wrong with performing more.
You are getting better and eventually achieving more in life, right?
But what many of us don’t ask is whether we really need to push the gas pedal even harder.
Each one of us is in a different life situation.
Some of us might be overweight, a bit lazy, and drowning in life, so what we really need is to get up off the couch and go do hard things to get our life back together.
Some of us, on the other hand, might have a high-paying job and work 100 hours a week, and the last thing we need is to push even more and burn out.
There is never one piece of advice that fits everyone.
What do you feel like needing to perform all the time?
3. To Fit In
How much influence do your surroundings have on you?
You know that feeling when you meet a new colleague at work and the two of you instantly click?
You become buddies fast and start hanging out all the time.
Before you even notice, you start liking different things, because your new friend has a strong influence on you.
Three months later you find yourself in some bar, in the men’s bathroom, sniffing cocaine with your buddy.
Then you get in a cab with a hooker to have a blast back at your place.
You changed yourself completely, just to fit in with your friend.
What did it cost you?
Despite the fact that this story isn’t my own, it carries a very clear message.
Sometimes we change just because we feel sense of belonging, but not because we want.
This applies to romantic partners as well.
Just because we feel loved and save we change to fit the other, while forgetting who we really are.
It’s probably easier said than done, but don’t change for others unless it’s you who really wants to change.
Did you ever changed unconsciously just to fit in or to keep the feeling of belonging somewhere?
4. Five Years Ago
What would you say to the version of yourself from five years ago?
Like many of you, five years ago I was a very different person than I am today, in a lot of ways.
For context, five years ago I was working as a bartender in Bratislava, the capital of Slovakia.
It was a lot of long days and even longer nights.
Because of the nature of job, I was drinking almost every day.
On my days off I would drink again, because that was the culture of the work and part of the community around bartending and hospitality.
Going out after work was completely normal, since the clubs were still open when we closed.
I had wanted to be a world-class bartender since high school.
And I can honestly say I was really good at it back then.
I went to a few competitions during my career.
I made it as far as the national top five of the prestigious World Class competition.
Pretty damn good, when I think about it now.
Anyway, it’s not about bragging here.
It’s about the fact that 5 years ago most of were different people, chasing different things.
Did you accomplished what you have set yourself up for back then?
Did you finished everything that you started?
I guess most of would answer no.
We changed our trajectories.
And that’s okay.
You don't need to have life figure out.
You adjust along the way.
So, what would you say to the version of yourself from five years ago?
5. When the Body Stops You
What happens when you don’t stop yourself?
Sometimes, if you don’t stop yourself, the body will stop you instead.
Even the smallest disturbance to your immune system can leave you sick overnight.
This isn’t a science talk.
This is the reality of what happens when you push too hard for too long.
I was recently sick, with a stomach flu, or whatever this sh*t is.
It looked like it happened overnight, and suddenly I was on painkillers.
The truth is, this never really happens overnight.
If you constantly try to do more and more, and you combine it with poor sleep and too much coffee during the day, you have bought yourself a fast-track ticket to getting sick.
Take care of your health and your workload.
I will try to do the same.
6. Not Your Thoughts
How much does social comparison affect you?
It is interesting to watch how we can change our opinion of ourselves just because of someone else.
It doesn’t even need to be a direct opinion from another person.
It is enough to watch some Instagram video that touches a certain nerve, and the cascade starts.
You start questioning your decisions and why you live the way you do.
Sometimes it can do something good.
Maybe it was the reminder you needed to hear, or a piece of advice that really resonated with you.
But there are all the other times when seeing something on social media does the opposite.
It stirs up guilt, or a shame that you should be better, do more, that you are not enough.
All because of some artificial comparison your brain created on its own.
No one attacked you directly.
No one looked you in the eyes and told you that you are not doing enough with your life, or that you are a wreck.
Just thirty seconds of a random person talking ruined your evening and your sleep.
And the worst part?
You don’t even realize that those thoughts are not yours.
So go easy on the comparison.
To the world, to your colleagues, to your neighbours, to your family and friends.
You have your own timeline for the things you want to achieve.
You don’t have to chase what social media tells you to want.
Do you feel effects of social media on you?
7. Old Lessons
What do you write about when it is almost midnight and your eyes are closing in front of the screen?
That is the question I was asking myself yesterday.
I read some good articles today about the life lessons of different people, from all kinds of backgrounds, learned along their journeys.
It is fascinating to see how we all, sooner or later, arrive at almost identical conclusions.
Some find them early. Some much later.
What is even more fascinating is that across all these years of human existence, across all those generations and all the intelligent, powerful people who lived among us.
We still haven’t learned the lessons Marcus Aurelius was already writing about almost two thousand years ago.
Funny enough, a lot of people act as if they are about to discover the meaning of life and the universe.
While their neighbour had that eureka moment last month already.
The lessons are not new. They are the same ones, already known to all of us.
So why don’t we learn from each other?
Why do we keep waiting to discover them on our own before we truly believe and understand them?
I aim to deliver the most personal stories, insights, and lessons from real-world experiences I have lived through over the past decade.
As I continue building my life and trying to be a better version of myself, I am documenting this journey and the lessons from my life for people who might need to hear them.
- Lukáš