Moving abroad changed the meaning of home for me.
Somewhere between languages, airports, relationships, and the person I became, belonging stopped being a place and started becoming a feeling.
Here is what has been on my mind this week:
Arriving Somewhere New
Between Three Languages
When Home Moves With You
Being at Ease
Who Am I?
Fighting Reality
When I Feel Like I Am Not Enough
1. Arriving Somewhere New
I have mentioned a couple of times in my writing that I have moved between a few countries in my life.
In retrospect, it might all seem like an adventure, and in many ways, it is.
But what many people might miss is that going through this process can be challenging as well.
And most of the time, at the beginning, it is.
You land in a new country.
Then comes the immigration office registration, a photo for your ID, forms to fill out, opening a bank account, and many other tasks.
If you have ever experienced that, you know it is an overwhelming process.
Often, it is even discouraging.
When you add the stress and demands of work on top, it becomes a bitter cocktail to swallow.
But most of the starts in life are like this.
Going to the gym for the first time is anything but easy, and it doesn't go away after the first day.
It is intimidating to many.
What helped me with this process was to carry on with the routine from a previous place.
If you used to go to coffee shop to read a book on Sundays, do the same the moment you move in.
It helps you to establish a similar routine, and life might feel less stressful during this change.
What are your experiences with moving between countries?
2. Between Three Languages
How many languages do you speak?
I am not asking you to brag about it, and I do not want to brag about it either.
I am asking because I have noticed that I think differently in different languages and sometimes even feel like a slightly different version of myself.
Have you ever thought about the difference between the language you think in, the language you work in, and the language you use when you are scared or in love?
From my own experience, it can get messy sometimes.
I have days when my thinking language combines three languages.
When I talk to myself out loud, I sometimes mix all of them within a couple of sentences.
I just laugh at myself during these moments because my creations sound alien.
It is also very useful when you travel and meet new people from countries where they speak the languages you know, because you can easily switch between languages and adapt to the people around you.
This is all on the fun side of knowing more languages.
On the other hand, it is sometimes hard to remember certain words across all the languages.
You might mix languages at the wrong moment, or know a word in one language but have no idea what it is in another.
As advantageous as it is to know more than one language, it can also be challenging to articulate yourself in all of them.
The problem I often encounter is that my ability to express myself and my thoughts in English is far more flexible and rich than in German.
Sometimes I even struggle to find the right words in my native Slovak because I do not use it daily.
When I come home to visit and have conversations with people, I occasionally throw English words into them.
Not because I want to sound interesting or show others that I can speak English, but because I cannot remember the Slovak word or explanation anymore.
It is a blessing and a curse at the same time.
The same goes for romantic conversations in relationships.
The words in these situations matter a lot.
When you cannot describe what you want to say, it can create misunderstandings very quickly and push the conversation in the wrong direction.
In those moments, you and your partner can be patient and take the time to find the right words.
There is no shame in looking up words.
One good word can be more effective than one hundred wrong ones.
Similar situations happen at work, especially in business.
Juggling multiple languages is an extra layer of complexity for any job.
Investing time in learning a few extra words and phrases can create a world of difference for you and your potential growth.
There are many more examples and stories about this topic, but I would love to know about you.
What is your experience with talking and thinking in different languages across different situations in life?
3. When Home Moves With You
What does home mean to you?
Is it the location, the people, the smell, the feeling, or something else that is hard to describe?
I think home means something different to everyone.
For a very long time, home for me meant a physical location: my hometown.
After some time living abroad, this idea or feeling of home started to blur a little.
On one hand, coming home felt familiar, safe, filled with memories, and connected to meeting friends and family.
On the other hand, it also felt kind of distant because it felt like the home of a younger version of me, not the current version.
The current version had built a life abroad, met new people, started new hobbies, created new routines, and generally become a different person.
Suddenly, going to Slovakia felt like going for a visit, not like going home.
Home was where real life was happening.
Today, I understand that home is not permanently located and locked in one place.
Home is where you build it, with the people you spend your time with.
The feeling of home moves with you when you decide to take it with you.
How would you describe your home, not as a place, but as a feeling?
4. Being at Ease
Where do you actually belong?
Not where you live. Not where you are from. Not where you are supposed to want to be.
I mean the place, community, or condition under which you feel most fully yourself.
I would not describe it as a place for one simple reason: the place can change, even constantly, but the feeling stays.
I would describe the feeling of belonging as being at ease.
Being at ease with daily life, the local community and its mindset, and most importantly, with yourself.
I believe that feeling like you belong somewhere is one of the most underrated precursors to a happy and fulfilling life.
No amount of money can create true belonging.
For me, belonging is not only about surviving somewhere. It is about being able to thrive there.
How would you describe the feeling of belonging somewhere?
5. Who Am I?
Have you ever asked yourself who you are?
At first, it might seem like an odd question to ask.
But this is one of the most revealing questions you can ask in your life.
It is therapeutic in a way because it lets you rediscover your inner self.
By no means is it easy, though.
For some, going into these waters of self-discovery is completely outside their comfort zone, perhaps not even on their radar.
I am personally really interested in this topic, as you have probably already noticed if you have read my newsletter.
I came across a company called The School of Life after hearing someone talk about it on a podcast.
They create all kinds of journals, books, and notebooks built around psychology and self-understanding.
There is one journal called Who Am I?, and boy, some of the questions inside are tough to swallow or even think about.
Let us be honest. How many times have you asked yourself this question?
There is depth in it.
It let’s you go discover levels within yourself that would have been maybe never touched.
Try it yourself.
Find a time when you can be alone, lit a candle and incense if you like, or just make yourself a hot tea or cocoa.
Sit down away from distractions and notifications with this question, piece of paper and pen, and keep your mind doing it’s thing.
Have you ever tried something similar?
6. Fighting Reality
Have you noticed that sometimes you make things harder for yourself without any particular reason?
It is often because we try to bend reality instead of accepting it as it is.
You know the feeling when, after a long fight with yourself, things suddenly become much easier to solve once you accept reality and adjust to it.
It is like the gravity problem: complaining about being a slow cyclist just because the Earth's gravity is pulling you.
You cannot change it.
You can only accept reality and either move on or find a way to work with what you have.
I experienced this couple of months ago while traveling.
I went to Fuerteventura with my girlfriend for a vacation.
The island was beautiful, and everything went smoothly until two days before the end of the holiday.
She realized that she had forgotten her passport at home.
The problem was our layover in London, where we had to recheck our luggage and pass through UK border control.
Without her passport, we could not do that.
At that point, I had two options for how to react.
The first was to fight with reality and my girlfriend, blaming her for such a stupid and now also expensive mistake.
The second was to accept reality, which was impossible to change, and focus on finding a solution.
Instead of going stargazing, we spent the evening searching for last-minute flights and adjusting our plans.
Fighting reality is much harder than accepting it and adjusting yourself accordingly.
You can save time, energy, and in many cases, money too.
It’s not always ideal or fair, but honestly what in life is?
Have you noticed something similar in your own life?
7. When I Feel Like I Am Not Enough
How do you overcome the fear of not being good enough?
This might be a tough way to start a conversation.
It is not a question you would ask someone randomly.
If you are anything like me, you have been struggling with this question for some time.
If you tend to please other people, one of the reasons might be the fear of not being good enough.
It feels like carrying an unwanted burden on your shoulders all the time.
You do not want to please everyone, but somewhere in the past, you learned this coping mechanism to get through life.
Now, as an adult, you might undermine yourself with this fear in various situations.
It is not an easy path to be on, trust me.
After three years of monthly sessions with a coach, this thing is still present in my life too.
Here are a few things that have helped me deal with it:
I remind myself that no one is thinking about me as much as I think about myself.
This applies especially when it feels like everyone is watching me and I cannot make a mistake in public or show that I do not know something.
Most people do not even notice if I make a mistake.
And if they do, they will forget about it very quickly because, again, they are thinking about themselves, not me.
I remind myself that I am enough.
The fact is that you are valuable from the moment you are born.
No one in the outside world can decide whether you are enough or not.
Perfection is an illusion, and chasing that distant version of yourself you believe will finally be worthy and enough is pointless tyranny.
The most important step is the one you take in the present, showing yourself that you are enough and worthy every day.
I remind myself that criticism, failure, and problems do not define my worth.
Just because they exist does not mean they determine my value.
They are not bugs.
They are features of life, not just for me but for everyone.
I remind myself that not knowing something does not make me less of a person.
Everyone has a different timeline.
Certain things might take longer for you to learn than for others, and vice versa.
Maybe you just have not had enough opportunity to master that skill.
The best example is that my girlfriend is a better driver than I am, and I have told her that a couple of times.
Yes, me, a man, being a worse driver than a woman. What a cliché.
Absolutely not.
Just because society created this picture does not mean it always matches reality.
I never needed a car in my life because I moved between countries often.
It was easier to pack my life into a suitcase, take a plane or train, and be at the next destination in a couple of hours without ever worrying about parking.
So I never spent enough time driving to master my skills properly.
It bothered me at first because, again, I had this fear of not being enough for her just because I had less driving experience.
But it is not a problem at all for either of us.
I can drive, and in my eyes, I am not a bad driver at all.
I am just a bit rusty with some things when I don't drive for long time.
These are just some of the things you can remind yourself of when the fear starts creeping in or uncertainty kicks in.
So, how do you overcome the fear of not being enough?
Well, maybe you do not.
Or maybe you just find a way to cope with it when it comes.
I am on this journey myself, and I am learning how to be better at this too.
What is your way of coping with the fear of not being enough?
I aim to deliver the most personal stories, insights, and lessons from real-world experiences I have lived through over the past decade.
As I continue building my life and trying to be a better version of myself, I am documenting this journey and the lessons from my life for people who might need to hear them.
Lukáš